Channel 9

This is being written from 39,000 feet high, so if you notice any deviation from my normal wit and grammatical accuracy, it's safe to place the altitude at fault, and most definitely not myself. This is my very first time flying United Airlines, mostly because I'm a cheapskate (some call it poor) and usually fly the friendly skies (blatant infringement on what I'm most certain is protected material, but I don't care) with Southwest. Southwest might be cheap, but the people are friendly, and the plane always gets us to our desired destination...who cares that the airplanes are so old that none of the other airlines want them anymore!!

But what I'm writing about is to talk about a feature that I have never encountered before, but which have heard Zach talk about from time to time. You know, Zach is basically a devout follower of United; he might even have access to the fancy lounge where old men just sit around and congratulate themselves on being in the United lounge. Nevermind the prevailing fact that absolutely NO ONE cares that you are in the exclusive lounge...but I digress. Anyways, United Airlines makes the air traffic communication available to the passengers via one of the radio channels. Cleverly imbedded in the title of this installment of what is none other than cyber-harrassment is the very channel on which these communications can be not only overheard, but reviewed for individual pilot adjudication. [WARNING: The lack of oxygen at this altitude, caused Jeff to type a run-on sentence, this does not reflect on him or his utter mastery of the English language.]
Ok, I just need a new paragraph to escape what I just did! Anyways, I am a new lover of Channel 9, and will probably prefer to fly United just so I can feel like I'm in the loop of what the heck is going on as metal capsules are being propelled through the air at dangerously unconscionable speeds. It's absolutely fabulous. All of the airplanes in our general vicinity are always in contact with the nearest air traffic control center. Currently as I'm typing this (and of course simultaneously monitoring our current position and speed) we are talking with the Denver Center. Now I feel like I can say with some confidence that this is actually Denver, Colorado, because the air traffic word for the letter "D" is Delta. Don't challenge me on this, Zach and I went through the complete alphabet just a few days ago. But anyways, it's fantastic. If the ride starts to get a bit bumpy, or as I would say, exciting, the pilot (well, most likely the co-pilot) just gets on and requests a deviation in the original flight plan to avoid some turbulence or some suspect weather looming ahead. But surprisingly, the control centers are not dictatorial at all. Just now, Denver asked an aircraft if they wanted to ascend OR descend 1,000 feet, and the plane just picked and did its thing. It was scary just a few moments ago when I heard the lady say, "United 103, can you please change your position from 390 to 370 for crossing traffic?" This question was unsettling for two primary reasons:

1) I was not privy to the fact that traffic is actually crossing in some sort of twisted air intersection. If that's the case, we need some floating traffic lights up here or something. And
2) I am in United 103.

But I think that everything was resolved smoothly because Denver wasn't yelling at us, and we hadn't been sideswiped by an oncoming airplane.

Well, I'm going to let you go for now. I need to use the bathroom and I'm in the middle seat, which means I need to work the magic politically to convince the lady next to me to move before it becomes a problem. Take care everyone, and have a great day!

P.S. I apologize for the constant shifts in the tenses of this entry. I am writing this currently while I'm in the airplane but think that I may hold off and post it in a few days, so I wasn't quite sure what the protocol was for that. Maybe next week I'll call my 7th grade English teacher and see what she has to say about it. She is, after all, my inspiration for writing. Ok, seriously gotta go......

Movie Review: "The daVinci Code"

Welcome, everyone to my first ever movie review. The snazzy pic seen to the right was taken by Courtney and her snazzy Treo 650. Zach has one too; they seem awfully complicated but that's what the kids like nowadays, so I go with the times. Anyways, this past Sunday I and Courtney ventured to the not-so-newly-renovated Kerasotes ShowPlace East for a viewing of the long-anticipated cinematic rendition of "The DaVinci Code" starring Tom Hanks and some girl whose name I don't remember.

Hanks plays a fairly genius man who teaches at Harvard and studies the meaning of symbols...which works out quite nicely as he uses his intellect and "A Beautiful Mind"-like abilities to solve various riddles that inevitably lead us to the discovery of the true location of the remains of Jesus' wife, Mary Magdalene.

So let's just go ahead and address the issues surrounding this film. I was talking to Brian on the phone the other day and he asked me what I thought of the movie. I told him that I thoroughly enjoyed it, although I anticipated the Christian community (of which I belong) to have a conniption fit. And personally I find it to be quite silly and childish. The book is fiction, the movie is fiction. Fiction means not real. Just as Brian was saying, it's kind of like watching "Independence Day." Everyone loved the movie, but very few people really believe in the existence of intelligent extraterrestrial life. It's hard enough to find intelligent terrestrial life! But what I'm getting at is that if someone wants to make a movie where Jesus prances around in a hula skirt with coconut shells on his man boobs, then more power to them. Just realize that it's merely a byproduct of human imagination, roll with it, and have fun.

All in all, I give this movie three diamonds <> <> <>. Hopefully I'm going to be able to come up with a much better system such as three monkeys or three tricycles, but for now, we just will have to work with the diamonds. The movie managed to keep my A.D.D. under control for the entire 2 hours and 20 minutes, and there were a variety of accents used to keep the brain active to understand what's being said. Also, for the literate, there are subtitles when people are speaking Latin, French and Spanish, which is an added bonus.

Ok, I hope you've enjoyed my first movie review. Obviously, if you want a synopsis and want to do know if it's suitable for children and how many times the "F" word was said, I'll need to refer you to an alternate source. Have a great day, everyone. Stay tuned also for my Netflix reviews which will include movies as well as TV shows....I know, you just can't possibly wait for the day. Ciao.

Fantastic

Well here I sit in the middle of Chicago's O'Hare International Airport shoeless like the quintessential Kentuckian that I was raised to be. I don't know if I'm subconsciously taking more aggressive strides, but this is the second pair of flip-flops that I have broken in two days. I wonder what's next to break....my ankle? the whole darned leg? Who knows. I find it especially amusing that the lady sitting close to me wearing a baby-blue turtleneck (it's summer, folks) and a really "interesting" hippy necklace that I'm pretty sure her daughter made during Brownies, is staring at me and most definitely pondering my lack of footgear. I scoured Concourse C for cheap sandals, and even expensive sandals to no avail. I even thought if I could just find some tape I would cleverly devise some solution; at least I could tape the sandal to my foot! But oh well. Luckily this is one of those new planes, and they don't require Flinstone-esque propulsion down the runway, so I should be safe. I already called Crystal who's picking me up at the Orange County Airport and she's going to have a fresh pair of cheap Old Navy flip-flops for me to mangle. But until then I'm just going to maintain hobbling through the airport trying to scoot my left sandal along and be satisfied with people staring at me and estimating that I have a wooden leg. One final remark before I allow you to resume to thoughts of human normalcy, as I was in line to board the airplane, I saw a man with a black suitcase with a word embroidered on it rather largely....the word was "sandals." The gods just never get tired of making my life the most random on the planet.

Courtney's Talent Officially Recognized

World, I would like to introduce you to one of my closest friends here in Bloomington. This gal's been harrassing me to get onto the Pulitzer Prize winning jeff's blog, so I find now an exceptionally fitting time to premiere Courtney on the site. You see, today, Courtney called me while I was attempting to be studious in the Music Library with news that she had been accepted into the Metropolitan Opera's Young Artist Program. After reading that sentence, you are doing one of two things:

A) You are staring blankly at the computer because you don't really understand the magnitude of this achievement, or

B) You are speed-dialing 911 because directly after reading this you spun back in your chair, fell backwards, and cracked your skull on the floor.

Whichever scenario most closely describes you, the fact remains that this is the single most coveted program for talented young opera singers, and after the completion of the program, Courtney will most likely be offered a role singing for "The Met!!!!"

What makes this extra special meaningful for Courtney is that she has endured 6 years of opposition here at IU Jacobs. So finally Courtney has some external evidence that she is a talented singer (no doubt, you should hear her) regardless of what impressions she may have been given by various members of the obviously-confused vocal faculty.

But anyways....although I'm sure Courtney has already changed her phone number and falsified her passport as to not be detected by the inevitable mob, as always, if you have any questions or comments for Courtney, I would be more than happy to relay them to her. Just comment on this entry, and I will forward the comments to her. However, she does frequent the site, so you may be able to engage in actual dialogue with her yourselves....if you're lucky ;-)

Ok, everyone. Join me in saying CONGRATULATIONS, COURTNEY!!!! Have a great day!

'Tis the Season for Mayonnaise

As I was in the checkout line of the local health food store here in Bloomington, which is ingeniously named Bloomingfoods, something rather bizarre happened. The very nice young man who was bagging my items into a recyclable paper bag, caught sight of my mayonnaise and said, "Tis the Season for Mayonnaise." Immediately, the cashier as I turned to the bagger, and he proceeded to state that the warm weather causes everyone to purchase mayonnaise and include it in all their dishes. He said, "Why have cabbage, when you can have cole slaw?" I think having seen the puzzlement on my face and the fear on that of the cashier, he continued his job without further mention of mayonnaise. But now I cannot help but to be intrigued. Does an increase in temperature subliminally cause the human to crave mayonnaise? Is there some secret ingredient within the mayonnaise that recalls the simple days of summer? I'll be the first to admit that I am not very educated in the field of mayonnaise, so if anyone out in the blog community has anything to add to help shed some light on this subject, I think we all would be extremely appreciative.

Doing A-Ok

It has come to my attention via my trust friend Virginia that I have not been doing such a great job at maintaining the blog. I must confess, the information superhighway has not been my main priority what with the end of the semester and all. But I just wanted to affix a recent photograph of myself so that no one is hypothesizing conspiratorial theories about my abduction.

The gal with me who was being simultaneously harassed by the hoard of photographers from various fashion magazines is my friend Julia. Julia, also from the great state of Kentucky, is a harpist and is in fact far more employable than I. If you find yourself with any questions for Julia, please feel free to send them to me and I will make sure that the correspondence is delivered in a timely manner.

Have a great weekend, everyone. I'm boxing up my apartment as I prepare to move into a ONE-BEDROOM APARTMENT!!!!! I can't explain in English words how I excited I am. In about a week, the only people who will be getting on my nerves will be my various personalities who manifest themselves periodically...but the medication should aid in their frequencies. Take care, all, and thank you, Virginia, for the proverbial kick in the behind.

P.S. I ran across some old pictures from high school that I find quite amusing. The next house I rob that has a scanner, I'll be sure to get some of these great memories on here for you crazies to see.