Driftwood Drive Darwin Award Contender

Take a close look at my mother's neighbor who is competing for the 67th Annual Driftwood Drive Darwin Award. Today this bright soul attempted a 6.4 degree of difficulty head-first, unsecured Christmas light assembly. While I know that this event has been tried and even proven to be quite successful, this feat was rather impressive for a pre-December warmup.

I apologize for the poor quality of this photo, but I was late for a social function and did not have the luxury of snapping the photo from the potential impact site.

Have a great day, everyone.

Triple Threat

In college (wow, that's really cool that now I can say that without feeling like a college-educated imposter) we had a friend who we nicknamed "Triple Threat." However yesterday, that name took on a completely different and despicably horrifying meaning. As you know from either personal interactions with me or from getting to know me from this divine gift of a blog, I hate Wal-Mart. I am a hater of all things Wal-Mart. I despise everything that they do, am repulsed by what they sell, and often find myself making fun of the people whom they employ. The only inkling of positive recognition that I can give to the Wal-Mart Corporation is to congratulate the people of Bentonville, Arkansas who found a truly effective way of capitalizing on America's white trash and monopolizing on the poor man's need for rolled-back prices. For some unknown reason a poor cannot spend $98 on a French-cuff Banana Republic shirt, but they can spend $476.27 on tupperware bowls, jeans with elastic waistbands and pillows that Wednesday Adams would be mortified to rest her head on.

So yesterday, I thrice visited the vendor of all things trash. The first time was actually for a worthy cause. Although I do detest this "store," I do have a 5-6 1/2 minute window in which I can function without losing regulation of breath and pulse. Brian and Raquel have three portraits of themselves strategically hung above the couch in the wedding chapel (see future blog for explanation) that we decided would be fun if Brian Photoshopped Santa hats on their heads. So we did venture to the Mart of Wal in order to carry out this extremely specific function. We were in, we were out. Wal-Mart experience complete.

The next two rogue drops-in to "Wally World" (a nickname that I positively loathe) came like a thief in the night. At approximately 9:18pm I was operating my spaceship with a destination of the movie theatre to see "Happy Feet" on IMAX with my friend Beans. However, my orbit around I-265 Eastbound and my newly-found Ricky Martin CD were interrupted by Beans informing me via cellular device that his car battery was officially dead and he needed to go to (you guessed it) Wal-Mart to get a new one and asked if I would accompany him. With disguised angst in my very soul, I agreed to meet Beans. As the gods had prearranged, this particular Wal-Mart did not carry the required 47-3 model battery, so I was forced to pass through yet a third portal to Hell.

As luck would have it, the battery was secured and Beans has reported to jeff's blog that his 1999 VW Jetta is running smoothly.

Well, that's the story. I honestly don't even have the desire to eloquently close this entry, because after all this talk about W.M., I'm just thoroughly disgusted. Have a great night, everyone. And do yourself a favor, avoid headlice and shop at Target.

Holiday Music Pick

Since Zach is regularly posting on his blog, I feel it only fitting to engage in informal competition with him whilst simultaneously satiating the fives of people who hunger for what I have to say about life. Today I bring you a holiday music selection. If you find your iPod with only 20 or 30 Christmas tunes and are tired of the traditional Manheim Steamroller, treat yourself to Michael Crawford's "A Christmas Album." Many of you will recognize Crawford from his star role as the original Phantom of the Opera. Growing up lingering on every note of the Phantom soundtrack, I find the juxtaposition of Christmas cheer and Phantom of the Opera jarringly delightful. Seriously (for once, I recognize), it is a wonderful CD and jeff's blog is proud to be an unofficial sponsor of this project. "O Holy Night" is a treat to listen to. So run to your nearest Borders and purchase it today. Or better yet, click here and purchase it from Amazon.com.

Holiday Movie Review: "Stranger than Fiction"

Welcome to yet another film review. I had the time in my schedule to view Will Ferrell's latest film "Stranger than Fiction." I didn't quite know with what frame of mind to approach the film, given Ferrell's previous endeavours (i.e. "Elf," "Anchorman" and the like). However, I was pleasantly pleased (redundant redundancy) with Ferrell's ability to be funny and yet almost charming at times.

For those who are not familiar with the premise of "Stranger then Fiction," Ferrell stars as an IRS auditor from New York City who finds himself the protagonist of renowned British author Karen Eiffel's latest tragic book in which Ferrell's character will inexorably die upon the book's completion. Throughout the wholesome film, some twists, turns and a surprising romance involving Maggie Gyllenhaal take place keeping the audience attentive.

All in all, I give this movie three out of four turkeys. Don't break the bank or turn your lives upside down to see the movie, but I guarantee it won't be an absolute waste of your time. Enjoy the rest of your weekends. I'll be at Gap tomorrow, so I'll report on that pending the status of my life. Ciao.

Happy Turkey

So I'm watching Grey's anatomy by myself, with the obvious accompaniment of my myriad of alter personalities, and we thought it would be a good idea to seize this commercial break to check in and report on the holiday happenings. I had a very Merry Turkey '06 which commenced with the ritual Pearson-Hubbard-Babalucci breakfast. The nice thing about holiday breakfast is that it is one of the only times I knowlingly allow Crisco into my arteries. Post breakfast, I adorned my new Gap sweater and ventured to the historic Camberly-Brown Hotel in downtown Louisville for an elegant Thanksgiving dinner in the English Grill. Attendees included my Grandmother Marcilliat, Aunt Phyllis, Uncles Ted and Vince (not a gay couple, just trying to maximize roll call effeciency),

***GREY'S IS BACK ON***

anyways, also in attendance were my cousin Anne, her husband, John who is my favorite and lastly my father, Gene. Dinner was quite tasty, and I must admit that I am a sucker for being waited on by people wearing tuxedos!

But that was basically Thanksgiving for me. Let me know about your own experiences with holiday family weirdness. I appreciate all things random, so your psychological baggage is thoroughly welcome here.

Have a great night, everyone. Digest well, and on behalf of your heart, please exercise tomorrow.

(RED)ISCOVER jeff's blog

"I am so sorry. I am sorry for the disappointment, the betrayal, and the hurt. I am sorry for the horrible example I have set for you."

So that's the way that Reverend Ted Haggard opened his formal apology for being a homosexual and simultaneously leading his large congregation to wage war on same-sex marriage in our country. So I figured that it would be equally as fitting for me asking for forgiveness about how I have not taken the time to scribe my thoughts and life observations for over two months...

In the tradition of GAP's (Product)Red T-shirts (which, if you do not have one, go to your local Gap today and purchase one), from now until Christmas I will be featuring some of my own (RED) creations. Some of them are poignant, and others are just wrong. Today's is very fitting so that you all can take a moment and (RED)iscover my blog and what it stands for.

Thank you all for the care and support that you have shown me through the first months of my twenty-fourth year of life. It went off without a hitch and although now my jaw pops whenever I try to eat a sandwich that is a tad too big, all systems are go.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving. I'll be sure to report on the craziness to which I will unevitably be exposed to on Thursday. Feel free to copy the artwork and put them on your desktops. Ciao.

:-)