The Famous Taceting Mozartean Trombones

The Indiana University, University Orchestra (wow, that's confusing) is helping celebrate the 250th birthday of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart by performing his Mass in C-minor, also known as the "Great Mass." It's quite a piece. Complete with single, double fugues, this piece is enough to get your adrenaline pumping. But there are also many more docile movements of the mass, in which the trombone section also plays.....well, until recently.

It seems as if our conductor has decided that the trombones (Dan, Scott and myself) will be tacet on several sections of movements in which we play, and we will be completely tacet on other entire movements. Don't get me wrong, I think this is great!! You see, the orchestra is taking the Mass on tour to both Indianapolis and Lafayette, Indiana, and looks like the trio of magnificent musicmakers will just be going along for the ride!

Actually in all seriousness, it's probably a good thing that we're not playing because I'm playing the alto trombone, and at times I feel like my face is about to just rupture. A breather here and there will undoubtedly be greatly appreciated.

Two Chain Restaurants Proven to Assist in Weight Loss

Yesterday I hung out with Brian and Raquel in Indianapolis, since Brian had some work to do there. It was actually the perfect little day trip, only
an hour from Bloomington. I met them at a mall, where we proceeded to go shopping and then we decided to get some din din at one of our favorite establishments, P.F. Chang's. For those of you who aren't familiar with the Chang, it's basically Chinese-American food served in a great atmosphere. If you're looking for authenticity, you're in the wrong place. But if you're looking for yum, then this is the place to go. Anyways, I was starving since I hadn't eaten since 7:00 the night before, and it was already 3:00. So I had already resigned in my mind to eating a ton of rice in addition to the lettuce wraps and my black bean chicken just to pad the ol' stomach to ensure 100% satiation. So I delivered on my word, I actually managed to eat an entire bowl of white rice all on my own, and left nothing but traces of black bean sauce on my entree. But don't worry, there's more to come....

After finishing eating, we decided to have dessert...at the Cheesecake Factory! So we left P.F. Chang's, walked over to the other restaurant, put in our name, and waited another 45 minutes to have some dessert. I myself had a capuccino and a 6-Carb Original Cheesecake. It was delic (pronounced delish).

So, today I went to the gym because I felt rather guilty for what I had done. So after working out, I got up the courage to approach the scale, and to my delight I had lost 4 pounds!!! So the moral of this story is to just eat, eat, eat until your little heart and stretching stomach are content. It worked for me...so it can work for you!

DISCLAIMER: In some cases, complete and utter engorgement can in fact contribute to the onset of obesity. Individual results may vary.

Hufu, anyone?

My friend Jamie is a lover of tofu. Unlike me, Jamie can eat it hot, cold, fully-flavored with yummy sauces, or just as plain as can be. But hey, I can get into tofu just as much as the next person. I love me some Pad Thai with tofu, and I've even been known to eat the occasional "chicken" finger (although that's really a great story for another time). Anyways, I was at my friend Shaunica's birthday party the other day when one of my friend Matt's friends was telling us about HuFu. Apparently, HuFu is tofu that is flavored to taste like human flesh. It's being marketed as "the healthy human flesh alternative." I guess that upon hearing this, two individual red flags were sent up in my mind:

1) Is there really that big of a cannibalism problem in the United States that one would need to devise essentially a Nicoderm-type product to help people "kick the habit?!?" and

2ndly) How does the inventor know if his product successfully replicates the obviously scrumptious taste of human flesh? Is this is direct admission that he in fact is a cannibal?

Anyway, I just thought I would share this disturbing trivia with you all. Take a look at their website. You can even get t-shirts!!!

Bon appétit, Jamie!

Zach Relocates to Chicago

So, it's 5:13, and the pool at the gym doesn't open for a few minutes so I thought I'd share a little about Zach. It's odd that I don't really talk about him or my two other best friends so much on here, but hopefully you remember them from previous posts. Just to remind you, clockwise starting from the bottom we have the beautiful Raquel, Brian, and Zach. As you know, I followed Zach out to California where I spent nearly a year and loved every minute of it. Well, I don't really know what posssessed him to want to leave the San Francisco Bay Area (well, I do, but that's something you'll have to ask him!), but Zach has taken a position as Creative Production Director, or something important-sounding like that at a church in Aurora, one of Chicago's many suburbs. Zach is now residing in Wheaton, Illinois where he frequently gets lost and calls me to locate him on Google Maps. He's only been in the midwest for about two weeks, but it appears that things are going well, and on behalf of the Friendship, we wish Zach all the best.

Now, speaking of the Friendship, I missed out on a little action this weekend because I'm stuck in Bloomington preparing for an audition. But this picture up above was taken this weekend when Brian and Raquel went to visit the old man. I believe key attractions visited were the Sears Tower, Millennium Park, Michigan Avenue, Oprah's house (oops, did I say that out loud?!) and much much more. So all in all, sounds like everyone was able to have a good time in my absence...as much as that is emotionally possible of course.

Ok, well I'm out. By the time I get over to the gym, the pool will be open and calling my name. I've been getting tired around 1250M lately, so I'm hoping that I can at least get in a solid 1400M today. We'll see..... Enjoy the long weekend, all!

Beautiful People to Wed

I just want to take a brief moment and distribute some happiness. Two of my favorite people from IU are getting married this summer! I'm telling you, folks, I don't know if you could find two nicer people. And on top of that, they're HOT! I'm mean, look at 'em! Seriously, Craig and Crystal, on behalf of my legions of followers, congratulations!!!

Oh, and if you are lucky enough to know these people, check out their wedding website at www.booherbryantwedding.com. Or if you just want to stalk them I suppose that is alright as well.

Secret Bathrooms

Happy Monday, everyone. I'm sitting here in the music library, one of my least favorite places on the planet, just minutes (79 of them) away from my semester trombone audition. I'm sitting here with my friend Brad, so if you come across a few incomplete sentences or atypical sentence structuring, you can just blame that on Bradley for being so darn distracting.

Ok, so after minutes of staring at a blinking cursor, Bradley has gone on to bigger and better things and I can take a minute to share an interesting thought that came to me while I was in the bathroom. You know how you tend to find a bathroom in a particular building that you like? There's just something about it. Either it's a little more spacious, they have better quality toilet paper, or it's in a more remote location. Well, in the building in the music school where I practice, there lies my perfect bathroom. It's very obscure, hardly anyone uses it, and I can sit back there and do some of my best thinking. Just today I was hanging out in my little bathroom with the blue door just hanging out and loving life. It's truly amazing what value a little retreat can have during the chaos of the day.

That's really all I had in mind to share with you this evening. Tell me if that's odd that I earnestly seek out less-frequently used bathrooms and convert them into my own personal haven. Or let me know that I'm not alone by sharing where your secret powder rooms exist. But please, don't say anything to give away its location...for the mystery of the secret bathroom is what makes it all the more magical. Ok, I leave. That hideous caveman-esque grammar was intentionally done for Maryanne. We'll just see if she reads this. Have a good night, everyone! :-)

LIVE from Starbucks

Greetings all, and I suppose a hearty "HAPPY 2006" is in order! I hope you all haven't been too upset about me not writing during the Christmas break, but I had my last pesky wisdom tooth removed (the bottom left if you were curious) and I haven't really felt like doing much of anything but sitting on my butt. But I'm back, and I'm better than ever. So, I've come to the realization that I really haven't told a tale from my twisted life, so I thought I'd entertain the crowd with the story of what should be called by oral surgeons as "The Most Difficult Extraction Ever."

So I proceed into the office of Dr. Ivan Marks, Oral and Maxillofacial Surgeon, where I had been just weeks before departing for sunny California. The office was just as I had left it 14 months ago, the same musty old furniture, the same subscriptions to "Highlights" and "Sports Illustrated." Naturally, I took a look at the "Highlights" just to make sure that they hadn't devised any puzzles that could stump old Jeff.

Anyways, while I waited, I could tell that the nurse was glaring at me through that type of glass designed where we can't see what they're doing in there. I mean, why is that even necessary??! We all know that they're just checking their e-mail, so why should it be so secret what's going on back there? But forging ahead, all the while I was waiting, I was being distracted by a lovely video about wisdom teeth and worst case scenarios. I mean, there's not much that can make me want to bust out in song and dance, but this video was riveting!! I'm pretty sure that everyone awaiting a wisdom tooth extraction wants to know that paralysis of the mouth is a probable complication. I'm sorry, but paralysis is a little more extreme than a complication...it's a mistake. What good are malpractice lawsuits if everything is considered a complication? I mean, should I just go ahead and tell people who ride in my car that death is a possible complication in our journey!?!?! Ok, whatever. I'll let it go for now.

So after the appropriate amount of waiting, I was summoned into the room where the uncomfortable chair and the creepy overhead light awaited me. The doctor recognized me, and we had the typical amount of small talk until he decided to pry open my mouth and stab me thrice with needles to avoid pain. TOO LATE!!! If you puncture my mouth with needles, I will feel it. I mean folks, this is freaking 2006. Get with the program. If I can be sitting here in Starbucks wirelessly chatting with people on the other side of the country, surely there is some solution. But I’m just a musician…so I’ll leave that complaint for when I elevate to a position of higher political power.

So, I’m numb. Reclining in the chair upholstered in hideous brown not-even-convincing fake leather. They turn on that light, prop my mouth open with some contraption, and waste no time turning my mouth into playground for knives, hammers and other torture weapons. A half an hour later, the tooth is apparently gone. I don’t know why they didn’t just use the tooth-dissolving cream….oh wait, it doesn’t exist. It does make just so much more sense to slice a poor boy’s mouth to bits and cut the tooth out. So they adequately pad my mouth with gauze so that I can see the damage that had truly been done to my gums. But at last, the tooth was gone, the last of my wisdom teeth, so I left the office with the assurance that I would never be requiring the services of Dr. Ivan Marks ever again.

Well, I think that’s enough for tonight. Parts of this epic tale have been truncated just because I honestly could write a novel about my experience, and how people should seriously consider the consequences before agreeing to let the nice man massacre your face. I hope everyone has a good night. For those of you getting ready to go back to school, I feel your pain. Classes start Monday, and I could be more elated. Ta ta for now.

OH, P.S. If you haven’t had your wisdom teeth out yet, don’t worry….IT’S GREAT! ☺